I’ve been stressed lately – really stressed. I’m ashamed of it, and I know it shows a lack of trust in God, but nevertheless I’ve spent the past few weeks plagued by worry, depression and fear.
In mid February we decided to take a risk and made the decision for my husband to resign from his current job (effective May 1st) and take a new job with better hours in Scott City, Kansas. We agonized over the decision (we like the area and people where we live and I didn’t want to move unless it was back to Colorado to be near my family) and we couldn’t feel peace about whether or not we should stay or go. We prayed hard, fasted and lost dozens of hours of sleep over the deal.
We were forced to make the final decision the morning my husband had to give an answer to the boss in Scott City, but even then we still weren’t sure if it was the right or wrong choice.
After my husband accepted the job I was still worried, but I felt a little release of pressure since that decision-making process was over. A bit of peace - for a few minutes at least. The next day when I started calling around I found out something that we hadn’t ever consider – there is a major housing shortage in Scott City. (They even have an article in the local paper about it!)
The shortage is so big that there are no – really zero – houses, apartments or places of any kind to rent in or near the town. I called over 30 rental companies and property owners and everyone told me the same thing – nothing to rent now and probably nothing to rent by the time May comes around either. So … the stress came back full force (and then some). I started to agonize over our situation even more than before the decision was made. I wondered and stressed and worried that we had done the wrong thing. I was even starting to feel a little hopeless – knowing our life was a complete mess and feeling completely unable to make it better or fix our bad decision to go to Scott City. I’ll be honest – I was having a pity party for myself.
Last Wednesday afternoon I carried my bad attitude into the afterschool program at my church.
At church I teach 1st and 2nd graders with my friend Amanda. We’d both had busy weeks and that afternoon we needed to take the 30 minutes before kids came in to finish prepping for the craft. We were making greeting cards with the week’s verse inside for the kids to decorate.
It’s an unspoken tradition in our classroom that Amanda does all the folding and cutting (she is much, much better at it than than I am) and I do whatever else needs done. So this week the “other job” just happened to be writing the verse on the paper the kids would glue inside the card. As I started writing, I couldn’t believe I didn’t think to print out the verse on paper at home. It would have made the task almost effortless. But, I hadn’t thought to do it, so here’s what I had to write over and over:
My God will meet all your needs. Philippians 4:19
That Wednesday we had one of the biggest classes we had ever had – 28 kids. I wrote that verse down 28 times. When I was about halfway done it hit me. I usually don’t feel like God directly speaks to me, but that day I felt like He had orchestrated that day’s whole Bible study for me. He knew I’d be the one writing that promise over and over and over. He also knew that I wasn’t believing that he was going to provide for me.
Amanda had been on the receiving end of some of my stress, so we both had a good laugh at how God worked it out for me to repeatedly write the very words I needed to believe.
So far, this week isn’t any different than last week. I still have no idea where we will live when we move. Nothing has changed in the past week except that I am choosing to believe that God is going to come through for us - even if our decision to move really was the wrong one. God is great at rescuing people who mess things up. I urge you to be like me and believe that God is going to meet whatever need you have today.
I don’t know how my life is going to work out, but I am choosing to trust God that it will work out well. I can’t wait to share the rest of the story (when it happens, of course) .